It is well known fact males prefer hiding their problems from people around them. One important reason behind such behavior is their attitude. Males prefer solving their problems themselves and sharing problems with someone is like expressing that he has failed to overcome that problem. And here their male thinking stops them from sharing their thoughts. Males hate it if someone thinks that they are unfit to solve their own problems.
While on the other hand females prefer sharing their thoughts with people around them and this is the best way they know to ease of their tension. The difference in thinking between the two starts creating confusions in their relationship when these characteristics of theirs collide.
When he withdraws from her just because he is facing some problem and he prefers solving it himself, she starts taking it personally. She feels like he is ignoring her and that he doesn’t trust her. As per her nature she will start digging in so that she might be able to know what it is he is tensed at. This is an effort from her side to know his problem and help him out with the same. But any male would hate being forced to say his thoughts and that too in a situation when his brain is busy working on the complex problem, which he is facing.
Males need to understand that she has a right to talk about her feelings of being ignored and unsupported just as he has the right to withdraw when confused at something. When in such times she feels the need to talk about his feelings then he should validate his feelings. If he isn’t ready to share his problem completely then he should at least ease her tension by saying that “I know you want to help me out but please let me solve it my way. I am capable of doing this.”
Once you explain your situation to her then she will surely understand what you are going through and will gift you with the space that you want. She will be confused that why is he ignoring her when the understanding between them has been awesome so far? His explanation to her can do wonders and save their relationship from going to the world of unending confusions.
Do share your problems with her. After all she is your better half!
“Nothing is permanent except change.”
Brain is one of those creations of nature, which learn from their surroundings. This is the only reason why a six month old kid looks with wide open eyes to everyone around her. She learns from the behavior of adults around her and these daily classes help her brain to grow. Similarly as two people close-in change is predominant. Both care for each other and both want the other to be happy. So to make him happy she might change some characteristics of herself. In many cases these changes might be drastic while in many they might go unnoticed.
Before I move on I will quote my example over here. I did my schooling from a boys school and after that I was very uncomfortable in class during the first week after I took admission in a (co-ed) engineering institute. And today after four years who would have expected that some day I would be talking ONLY on girls on my own blog? I changed as per the surroundings and my friends welcomed the changes. And those who didn’t weren’t my friends.
So why cannot males accommodate with changes when reason behind those changes is males themselves? Males should try to go back to times when they used to find it difficult to adjust to limits (set unknowingly by her) so as to avoid upsetting her. Similarly it was difficult for her to set limits. She cared for him and she never wanted to upset him, hence she learned to set limits for her just to keep him happy.
He needs to understand that the two of them will become more graceful as time passes as they will start understanding the other more deeply.
If he observes changes in her then instead of blasting her off he should rather reason behind those changes. Then he should explain to her that those changes are for the betterment of their relationship.
Once again I will like to point out that with growing age change is inevitable. Adjust with it and you will find how easily you and your partner feel comfortable with each other.
This one could well be a interesting surprise for her if executed after some hard work. Get in touch with some local chocolate making company and ask them to prepare a special chocolate for you. That particular bar of chocolate will have in it a golden sheet (of some material which isn’t destroyed when she eats it!) and on that sheet you ask her that question which you have been dying to ask.
Initially you might find it tough to get in hold of such a chocolate making company but with little investment you can find one very easily.
How did you propose her? Or do you have any unique ideas of proposing her? I would love to hear those in comments below or maybe you would like to tell me that in private.
Those day are past when women wanted the helping hand of males so as to rise to the heights of success. Be it silver screen, army, IT, medical, fashion or whatever, females have started to perform at a much better level when compared to males. Now, instead of going extra philosophical let us talk about the lighter view of the quote Ladies First which the females of today want men to understand.
Misunderstanding in a relationship is common and so is mental tension and loneliness for both male and female. In such situations instead of waiting for the other to break ice males should take lead and apologize. Here apologizing doesn’t exactly mean to say sorry but to discuss with your other half the reasons behind your problems and to sort them off.
Many times when he is tensed, he goes silent and expects her to know what is the problem and what she should do. In such situations he won’t understand that she is a human too and she will think as per her behavior when she gets tensed. Here the job of male is to express to her that he is facing some problem but he can handle it himself and she need not worry. He has to be the first one to express the problems so as to lighten the tension.
These were just two of the many steps which explained how his first steps might help in maintaining the excitement of a relationship. Here I will add two more points where males can take the first step to maintain the liveliness in a relationship:
- Gifts, yes! Why expect her to ask for gifts? How about males going regular with gifts?
- Instead of waiting for her to express her thoughts he should try and creep into her brain to know what exactly she is tensed at. Initially she might resist this but later on she will feel easy once she shares her problems. After all females love to talk.
To summarize falling in love and starting a relationship is easy but you will have to be creative to continue with it with same intensity. Instead of waiting for her to do the hard work and be creative why can’t males themselves be the first? What say?
“Optimism is the madness of insisting that all is well when we are miserable” - Voltaire
Last week I wrote how men can easily shift from being close and caring to being distant and unresponsive, and the article earned me a few emails in my inbox where few anonymous writers talked about their dying relationships. After analyzing those mails and few more examples online I compiled this three-step process to save a dying relationship.
There might be many who may NOT understand these steps, and these might sound complex for them. But those who are keen on saving their relationships MUST follow these easy steps.
Express Your Confirmation
Males need to give it a start. Begin to listen to her and request her to express what she wants and what she thinks is missing in their relationship. Once he knows the reality then it will boost him to work so as to improve their relationship. All you need to do is listen to her and understand the hidden meaning behind her sentences (archives of this blog will help you understand her a lot.)
Once she feels that she is being heard and you are ready to improve your relationship, then she will also cooperate with you. All you had to do is listen to her and express your confirmation that you are eager to improve your relationship.
Confess Your Mistakes
Even the Almighty is ready to forgive you on the condition that you apologize to Him, then why can’t you forgive your partner? Once he confesses that he wasn’t supportive and very firmly makes her realize she wasn’t supportive too, then he will find how the level of understanding improves between the two of them. But always remember something: never ever force her to apologize. She might apologize when forced but she will develop a feeling that you were trying to dominate her. Giving birth to such thinking is like the last nail in the coffin.
Practice
“Try try try till you succeed”
Both the people need to learn from their mistakes and practice hard so that those mistakes aren’t committed again. Practicing hard signifies talking to each other and improving the understanding between each other. Practice being honest to the other person by sharing literally everything with her. Believe in transparency to extreme limits.
To summarize the above three points: one must learn to set limits and respect those limits. Remember that if you have ego in you then she also carries tons of egos. Better listen to her and understand her.
