Friendship With Your Ex
“Learn the alchemy true human beings know. The moment you accept what troubles you have been given, the door will open.” — Rumi
ANGST.Fear.Hatred.Resentment. Many a broken relationship has gone through all these phases and more. Yet, in some cases the individuals involved have managed to compartmentalize love and friendship in an almost clinical manner. When your heart is bleeding and your mind is overruling the condition, who do you follow? How do you overlook the intense pain and immense hurt and treat the other as a buddy? Especially since he /she is responsible for the grief you’re experiencing.
In every relationship the pair tends to close in so well that they start understanding each other’s thoughts and they get addicted to the other’s presence. Addicted might be the wrong word for some but generally it is true. When you spend your day and night with one particular person, share everything about you with her, and think about her when she isn’t around then your brain gets addicted to that persons presence and once you come to know that it is all over, you yourself break apart.
Still I think people should try once to sort things out. Start with a new friendship because believe it or not when a relationship breaks it hurts her the most. Guys can cover their pains easily but girls have the knack of relying on her partner and after a breakup she finds it difficult to gather herself (mind you, here I am talking about females who are serious with the relationship.)
After a breakup both of them should try to take a short break from the other. Sit back for a few days and relax. Try and forget whatever happened and after you have cooled off then start trying to create a bond of friendship once again just because of one reason: she is the one who knows you inside out and you are the one who knows her inside out and it might take months before you actually find a replacement. So why not help each other during that time period?
The texture of every relationship is unique and only the two individuals involved in it know best what completes them. It takes ample maturity to be able to look beyond the negativity that’s transpired between the two and the bond as buddies. If it is worth it, why not walk that extra mile?
i am glad to see this post!
frankly speaking my favourite topic on relationships is break up!
cos once the relationship is on! who cares to read articles on net but once it is in ridge then u have to ask questions not to anyone but urself and gets answers from places like this!
well, to be honest! i am a firm believer that its easy to turn friendship into love but impossible to trun love into friendship , two past lovers can never be friends,if two past lovers remain friends, they are either still in love or were never in love.
Comment by pulkit — October 6, 2008 @ 8:42 pm
then too i really belive and totally agree with this!
well from my personel experienes, i also feel that we tackle things so maturely, but even grown ups behave as teenagers at the time of break up!
i wish many people learn from this!
but unfortunately i know i wont learn from this!
sad but true belief of mine is written in above comment by me!
beautiful theme for discussion sir!
keep it up!
hope i will write someday for this topic again, in my way, here!
Comment by pulkit — October 6, 2008 @ 8:45 pm
I agree that it is hard to continue frndship with your love once you have parted but you have to swim against the tide if you really want to move on.
When I say frndship then I don’t mean that you go out for coffee and movies once again. I mean that you must remove those so-called sad thoughts of her / him and think of something else. Treat your ex like just another frnd so that bad dreams don’t haunt you. Forget that there was someone with whom you recently broke up…although this will be damn hard but the result will be exceptional…
I know people don’t read or take suggestions once everything in there love life is fine….and same is the reason why things are messed up…watch me…I read such stuff regularly because I know there is always the scope to learn more and stop myself from messing up everything…
Comment by Salman — October 7, 2008 @ 1:53 pm
This is something got to do with my personal experience. Its pretty tough to carry on friendship with someone who has been the love of your life but its fairly true that if such a relationship is build uo between the two, then feeling of guilt never comes in your heart. There must be many reasons behind a breakup but i don’t think any reason far more important than the feelings and emotions which the two lovers share with each other. All the memories of the great time they spend together, all the chat they had, the fights, moments of some personal experiences which always sets a beliefe in you that YES their is someone to care for you. All this is not shattered with such an ease, there is always a harsh decision behind a broken relation that may be from either side. The wounds created by such decisions can be healed to much extent by sharing a healthy freindship thereafter. But u have to be cautious in such a relation because from time to time there will be incidents which will be taking you to old times.
Comment by vibhav — November 17, 2008 @ 1:58 pm
Couldn’t stop myself after reading this post..You know guys If you really want to know whether it is a good decision to make your girl a good friend after all this break up thing. Take my advice…dont play with girl’s heart when she is broken in pieces. You guys think like- If I’ll talk to her, i’ll take her to some good restaurant, you can ease her pain. It’s next to impossible. So if really want to see her happy, go and tell that you love her or else leave her right where you were parted.
Comment by priyanka — December 9, 2008 @ 11:57 pm
I guess you didn’t get the core of the article. I agree that it can be very tuf to continue friendship after facing a breakup but you need to understand that if you two were really serious for each other then even though you have broken up yet you two are the ones who know each other the best. It is tough initially but dear..it is the out of box thinking which can make you feel better in worst situations. I won’t write too much as I have already written what I wanted to in my article and I will stick to what I said.
by the way those guys who think taking girls to restaurants can make her happy actually need to read other articles of my blogs as this is the worst idea to make a girl happy…worst!!
Comment by Salman — December 11, 2008 @ 9:32 pm